Work low self-esteem moments

I am making this post from email. It's great the functionality that is set up that enables this feature. So, even though I can't access my blog at work, I can still post to it. Pretty nifty!
I am feeling low right now. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I'm in my second straight day of not just meetings, but lots of "surprise meetings." I despise surprise meetings primarily because of the lack of purpose, planning, and respect that seems to surround these types of functions. In my environment…they happen quite regularly. In fact, at a point I even tracked the hours in a time period and it was astonishing how much time was wasted. I think I've already blogged about this in this blog before. But, again, I can't see my blog at work.
Anyway, I just want to work, produce good products, design performance support solutions and focus. None of these are possible in my work environment. There are times where I have effectively been able to get productive for one day, but it's never filtered into the next day.
Today I started to feel down because I'm realizing that I'm on a train that goes to nowhere in this job. Has this been realized before? Yes, it has, but it doesn't mean that the re-realization isn't just as sad.
I can't believe that I am where I am in life as far as a job is concerned. In some eyes, I'm a success. I have a six figure income, stable job, manage a lot of projects and people, innovate as much as I can and continually try to improve. But, compared to myself and where I started…I'm so far behind. I was supposed to be running a company by now. I was a director for the first time way back in 1997 and 1998 and again in 2000. Eight years ago and now I'm still feeling like I'm just beginning my career because some people here have less trust in me than people far in my past that managed far more people and entrusted me to do the same.
This is when I take time to allow myself to feel forlorn and then tell myself to snap out of it and move forward.
I'm taking off the next couple of days from work. Part of it is to clean, finish up some photo projects, plan for my upcoming wedding and read a book by the pool. The other part is to figure out what I should do as my next step. I was meant for more and I'm letting my surrounding dictate my success. For shame!
I have the to do lists prepared for each day. However, there is enough time on each of those days to really think hard about life, it's purpose, my purpose in it, and next steps.
Ok, I'm feeling a little better. A little writing always does a bit of good.
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