I am in need of a good cry. I almost feel it coming, but I'm at work and it's not a appropriate.
I am feeling down. My emotions are wacked out this week for good reason. Part of it is hormonal I am sure, but part of it is that feeling of being untrusted creeping in again.
I think I wrote something about this yesterday, but I'm at work and can't actually view my own blog (social networking sites are blocked, as well as blogs). I feel like I'm going back in time and progress. In the fourth grade I had a paper route, babysat and mowed lawns. I was independent and earned money. I didn't really have a direct boss. So, in reality, I am back where I was in 3rd grade. Wow. Now that is perspective. What has happened to me that I am in this state?
Here I am in my late 30s, earning over $115,000 a year and I feel like a failure. I feel like a child that isn't trusted to do the job I am paid to do.
It is a great eye opener to self-esteem and performance.
Luckily, I have personal honor and responsibility to propel me forward. Without that, I wouldn't be getting any work done. I feel bad even taking five minutes to write this since it is on work time. Or, is it?
I worked six hours at home yesterday after four hours at work. I'm counting that time at home as sick time because it caused a big stir.
In the end, however, it will be their loss and not mine. I will grow from the experience and they will lose a committed employee.
Employers must always remember that they are also a customer and not just a client. There are greener pastures even in depressions. I intend to find one and very soon.
