Episode 42 – Everyday Lessons Every Day with David McBee

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David McBee

As a professional speaker and trainer, David McBee has inspired thousands of salespeople and business owners all while his own relationships suffered. After many years of struggling, he decided to make a change. Though David was a fan of self-help books for years, he realized he more often tried to get others to follow the advice than he would follow it himself. With this newfound understanding, David mapped out a plan to improve his relationships. Part of that plan was to read 20 minutes a day, every day, from a quality self-help book and apply the wisdom to his own life.

In his debut book, Everyday Lessons Every Day, David shares what he learned from these readings and how he used that knowledge to improve his relationships with his wife, children, parents and even his mother-in-law. His willingness to show the reader his Mr. Hyde side is refreshing and what makes this book relatable to everyone.

From road rage to aging parents and dealing with teens to adult children at home, David puts it all out there as he sometimes trudges down the path to a better way of life. He didn’t follow his plan perfectly, but there was a lesson to be learned from that, too. Come with David on his journey. There’s sure to be something you can learn from this dad, husband and father who just wanted to be a better version of himself.

Episode 42 Show Notes

• David McBee – Personal Website and Everyday Lessons Every Day book site
• David McBee’s podcast – Available through major podcasting services and https://everydaylessonseveryday.com/podcast/

Episode 42 Transcript

This is Rebecca Clark. Episode 42. Every day lessons every day with David McBee.

This podcast is for anyone that knows they haven’t yet found and offered up their best work, but are compelled to seek it out and do it. Are you ready to move your desk?

Hello, my podcasting friends, I am excited today because you get to hear from the first person that I scheduled an interview with for this show. Now, if you listened to Episode 38 you would say, Well, wait a second. You interviewed and already put up in episode with Desi Dixon and you would be right because I interviewed Desi about an hour or two before I interviewed David, but David was the actual first scheduled podcast interview. That’s really important, because if you’ve listened to my prior episodes, you know that I wanted a little alone time to just share up all of these pent up thoughts and stories from over the years. However, as a result of a sequence of nudges, here we are, and I’m grateful to Jodi Oliverson for reading David’s book and introducing me to him because it’s wonderful to be connected with like minded people who are seeking to do their best work and become their best selves. And David McBee is one of those people.

I think you’ll enjoy listening to him today, and if you listen to the whole podcast, you know that he will be on it again and you’ll understand why. So without further discussion, I’ll let you listen to the great episode I had with David McBee, who has a new book out called Everyday Lessons Every Day. Enjoy.

Rebecca – I’m so glad that we got connected and it’s so interesting. I have an episode about a sequence of nudges, and I think this was a sequence of nudges because a person Jody Oliverson, read a book and he loved it. And, you know the name of that book and I’ll let you share that in a minute. But, after he read the book, he had seen me posting a couple of my podcast episodes on Facebook. And then he was in another group on Facebook and he saw you post saying, Hey, I’m ready to share my book with more people, and I’d love to be on a podcast or something. So, then Jody emailed me. He said, Hey, this book really helped me and change my life. I think that this would be a great person for your podcasts. And of course, I’m always interested in books that change people’s lives. And then when I started reading your book, thank you for providing me a copy, that I realized that you are someone is actively seeking to change your life and grow., That’s perfect for anyone that wants to move their desk mentally, physically or whatever. They’re trying to make changes up there getting do their best work, whether that works at work or at home or wherever. So, welcome to the show.

Rebecca – And I’m gonna let you share your name, your book title and anything you want to share about your journey to kind of start us off on why we’re even talking here today.

David – Okay, Well, my name is David McBee. The name of the book, as you know, is Everyday Lessons Every Day, a journey from grumpy to grateful. The book came about because I got to a point in my life where I was having some career success, some financial success. It was coming at a bit of a cost to my family life to my relationships. Specifically, what happened was I was getting really irritated about every little thing. And the more people who have read my book, I’ve realized that’s not unique to me. Like people get irritated at people leaving lights on or dirty dishes in the sink or socks on the couch. The strangest things I was really picking at my family pick, pick, pick. And I thought if they would just do what I tell him to do or what I asked them to do then everyone’s lives would be so much easier an that is not productive. So one day I was heading out of town for a business trip and they were all sitting around the island there in the kitchen, and I was like bye guys, and they are barely even looked at me. They’re like Bye Dad. Have a good trip! and I walked out the door and it’s about an hour drive to the airport and the whole way there it was like that that that stung, you know, that was and then I got on the plane and in the air and when you’re when you’re in the air, you and this was before they let you look at your phone before you’re taking off. You know, there’s that moment when you have to unplug from the radio on your computer and your phone. I just got to thinking they’re happy that I’m gone. That was kind of a painful realization, So I decided that I needed to make some changes. And that’s where the story kind of begins.

Rebecca – Yeah, that’s what I really like that it’s really well organized to follow your journey. And I think that’s something that I don’t know if I talked about it yet in a podcast, I had it planned. It’s so often you hear these kind of rags to riches journey about when someone lives in their car and say I was living in my car and now I make a $1,000,000 a year. And, I’m thinking Whoa, whoa, Where’s the one year in between? I need the details of what was the first thought you had when you opened the car door for the first time and didn’t return to sleep in it. You talk about what was the next step and you kind of separate that out in the book and go through these steps that you went through and what I really liked because you decided to do this like you shared the little experience with airplane this now but it wasn’t a catastrophic event that led you to this. And I know catastrophic things are important. I mean, we’re in the middle of a virus right now, but the ability to decide that without a huge event, just like a very perceptive moment when you noticed your family really didn’t care whether you’re there or not

David – Yeah, I kind of love that you caught on to that because I think I’ve wanted to write a book for a long time. I wanted to get on stage and speak about how to improve yourself. But what I discovered was that almost everyone who wrote those books had overcome something tragic or had something terrible happen in their lives or they were on the verge of divorce or they had a gun in their mouth or they were diagnosed with cancer or and I was like, you know, my life’s pretty good. Like, who am I to tell this story because I didn’t go from here to here. I went from here to here, you know? And I was trying, so I’m glad you, I’m glad you appreciated that piece of it.

Rebecca – Yeah, well, that I mean it. It legitimizes that sometimes being in that kind of comfortable spot is the enemy of becoming our greatest self. That’s very true, because we have enough comfort. What I thought was interesting is throughout your story, you mentioned books is your primary source of learning and growth and change. Did that start younger or later? Do you just kind of stumble upon that recently, or what’s What’s with that?

David – No. When I was when I was in my twenties, I got introduced to reading as a way of improving myself specifically financially at that time. You know, in fact, I remember the very 1st one I read was How to Win Friends and Influence People. Yeah. And I had this moment when I was like, I am so self centered, like I really, truly believe my life is the center of the universe. And I treat people that way. I wasn’t a good listener. I always want to talk about myself. And when you see a group photograph you look straight for yourself. Some of the things I remember to this day and reading that book changed me. In fact, on January 1st every year for the next decade, I’ve read that book. That’s great as a reminder. Now, looking back, I’ve tried to read it again now, and it’s not that great. A very dated and it’s like obvious stuff. That’s obvious. But at the time, it was the 1st one and it made a big difference. And so I’ve been reading books like that my whole life. And when I read them, I have these wonderful moments I have. I’m my best self. And then I stopped reading for a while and I revert to a not so wonderful version of myself, and I talked about it in the book. It’s a lot like dieting, eating healthy, you know?

Rebecca – Yeah, I know.

David – You gotta exercise every day. You know, you got to eat healthy and you feel great when you do it. But then when you stop doing that, you feel like garbage, and then it’s even harder to get back to it. So when I decided I was gonna go on this journey. I said, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it every day, every single day, no matter what. I think that’s what made the biggest difference during this time period.

Rebecca – It’s almost like treating it like brushing your teeth, going to bed like that. Kind of like I personally wish I could just eat in January, brush my teeth in February, go to sleep in March and then have the rest of the year awake and accomplishing. But that’s not how it works, right? It’s the daily habits and that that’s what I appreciate it. Seeing that throughout its the habit, the daily habit that creates that continual change. One of the points you brought up was that as you change yourself, you suddenly became extremely aware and wanting to change those around you. You shared some experiences in the book where you realize you have to be very careful on the quest to change and recommend other people changing.

David – It’s really tempting when you read a book with a lesson that’s like my wife would love this. This would help her so much. She’s struggling with this right now, and here’s the solution. I’ve got it But then, when you give that to solution to someone and they’re not in a place where they are looking for that solution or ready for that solution, even want it, then it feels like you’re criticizing them. You know, it’s like it’s like you have a very overweight friend and you say, Let’s go get salads. Well, your your intentions are good, but that’s gonna hurt that friends feeling us. They’re going to say, Why am I not good enough The way I am and and self help books, I think are similar to that, like, I really want the whole world to share in this beautiful message. But if I give it to you and you’re not a place to take it, it’s just gonna come across wrong. And so I think that was Part of my problem is I was asking my family to read these books, and they felt criticized, and they felt like I was trying to change them in a way I was, but you know, out of good intentions. But I came to the conclusion that all I can do is change me, and I can write a book about it and get the message that reading every day is a wonderful way of changing your life. But I can’t force anyone else. Except I do kind of force about my kids. I’m not gonna lie.

Rebecca – Well, you’re you are. You have certain responsibilities right now, right?

David – That’s what my daughter feels. Anxiety. I want her to read a book about how to deal with anxiety. Yeah. You should listen to the author in a way she wouldn’t listen to me.

Rebecca – Right. Well, now, have you Have you been continuing to share insights at work when you have them? You Do you feel like you can share that in the way that you our position that work or did you start refraining from that at work? Because you had a lot of examples from home, but you did share a few get work. And so I’m wondering those closest to do you know which tend to be family and close friends you start to recognize Oh, they’re not listening to me. Are you noticing that at work as well?

David – Or it’s actually kind of funny because at work, I’m really respected. Really. I’m, Hey, this is gonna sound terrible. but I’m almost put on a pedestal at times, okay? Because because of what I do, I’m kind of the face of the company now and then. And the irony is that I would come home and my family would just treat me like I’m me and you know how important I am. Don’t you know that? You know, 3000 people watched my webinar today and I had spoke to 300 people in person. And they were they paid to hear me. Yeah. You won’t even listen to me for five minutes…

Rebecca – and you get my thoughts for free!

David – It’s exactly, So you know, it was like was like at work. Everything’s really, really pretty good. But, at home I was struggling. But it’s so interesting, you know, to see it in life.

Rebecca – How I don’t know, the priorities, you could be up in what area down the other. But, all of them are important toward figuring out how to change and be forward. And, it seems like there’s always some ball dropping. So, and I guess that it is hardest when it’s the family that thinks nothing of you. How can I bring those two together to offer up my best work?

David – You know what’s ironic? The irony is that the people at home who aren’t treating me like I’m special, they really do love me.

Rebecca – Yeah, yeah, that’s that’s true.

David – And the people who see me once in a while like hey was great for an hour, whatever. And they could care less not. That’s not fair. They probably care, too, but it’s about my perception of how I’m being treated at the time. I don’t always put them up on a pedestal like I should, so I just have to remember they do love me and and it’s It’s more about me perceiving how they feel about me. Then how they actually feel about me, right?

Rebecca – You know, that’s something I’ve been studying a lot lately is realizing that I have no control over what people really think of me. Hopefully we live in such a way that they would have good thoughts that ultimately can’t control it. We like to think we can control it. That mean we have. So that’s an interesting concept. I have to keep learning about it. In reminding myself that concept, I recently did a survey where a lot of men answered questions about their life and they kind of gave me there their salary and if they felt like they were engaged at work or not and what some issues they’re dealing with. And I was very surprised how many of them were basically feeling just kind of neutral or not satisfied with the work and life, and they felt like they didn’t really have a voice. And that’s why when I read your experience like, Oh, this is really helpful. Right now there’s a lot of men that want to improve but don’t know how or feel like they’re not allowed to say that out loud. So that’s what I enjoyed reading about in your book, and I want to find out if there’s anything you specifically wanted to share with other men about how they can improve themselves. How do start working on it? So the things you dealt with as you went on this journey specifically being a man.

David – I think that the self improvement genre as a whole this is kind of aimed at women.

Rebecca – Yes.

David – After I completed writing the book, I picked up Girl Wash Your Face By Rachel Hollis.

Rebecca – Oh wow. I haven’t read that yet.

David – Oh, it’s so wonderful. It’s is it. I adore her. It was totally not written for me, right? She talks at night. So this is the best. She talks about things that are really four women, and it’s totally and completely aimed at women. And I thought, Man, we need a male version of this. And maybe even parts of my book kind are not to her level, of course, but so I started looking for more books that were for men, but I actually have one here from me. Okay? I’ve never met this author, David H. Wagner, but he wrote this book called Backbone. Um, about the modern man’s ultimate guide to purpose, passion and power. This is not a paid promotion.

Rebecca – Did you mention this in your book?

David – I didn’t because I didn’t start reading this one until afterwards.

Rebecca – Oh, okay. I just heard it from somewhere and I thought, maybe you shared.

David – I did have one of the lessons in the book, but this one, like, knocked my doors off on occasion. Like he says things out loud that I don’t think people should say out loud like it’s in places. It’s vulgar, but a way that men can relate to. Okay, but it’s really honest, and I think it was very brave of him to write this book. So I’ve started looking for more and more books by men like that. I got a brand new one called Daddy Saturday. I haven’t even started it yet, but it’s about a dad, you know. Wait, maybe I’ll have you know, I don’t have a handy, but it’s on my to do list, and I just That’s part of my continued journey is not only to keep reading self improvement books, but self improvement books. for men by men.

Rebecca – I mean, I think that’s important, especially. I’m around a lot of men that they’re dealing with struggles in life and work and are suddenly not valued at work and to realize that there’s not a lot of people they can turn to. And turning to spouses sometimes isn’t the right thing, like they need an external source to go to feel like they can open up that kind of thing.

David – And so it’s really interesting you really nailed it. We can’t turn to our spouses as much as we’d like to be completely open and honest with them. It’s our job to protect them, and when they see us worried or stressed, they also worry and stress. My spouse gets worried and stressed and I don’t want to prevent her from feeling that way. So when I’m struggling, I turned to my dad usually and now that my son is 19 he’s an adult. I often turn to him for things as well, but I think David talks about men’s groups and I think many kind of gaining momentum, get together in a safe environment and say what they need to say to each other. We’re not. We’re supposed to be strong and tough and hard. We’re not supposed to ask for help. Which way we gotta change that. We gotta change that. Women are becoming tougher and men can be softer. It’s it’s in the world today.

Rebecca – Right now the women are getting a lot of attention. There are a lot of men that don’t fit the mold of what may have in the past, and men are struggling, too. So it’s so I want to make sure. In fact, I’m gonna be doing an episode specifically about men and sharing some of the thoughts that come through. And I’m hoping to do more, especially as someone who’s going to coaching. And I’ve worked with tons of men over the years and realize, Oh, this is a group of people that have desire and help and if there’s a safe place to get help, might not be me, but maybe help the process. I’ll be connected to everyone that would be willing to be that help. And so I think your book really is one of those books that can be considered one of those books that men could trying to make my ideas on how to move forward. So what? What’s been happening since you wrote the book? Have you? Toward the end of the book, I love the chapters where I can’t remember. It’s like Chapter 29. I am changed in the first couple of chapters later. I am not changed process.

David – I know. I thought that was my happy ending chapter like, Oh, this journey was fantastic. I did it. I got from here to here. Then I went a few days without reading and I was like, Whoop, No, no, I’m the same old screw up I was. What’s been happening since I’d love to say that the book’s a huge success and I’m like, The reality is that I self published and my close friends have bought the book. I’m hoping that, you know, conversations like this will extend yeah, of mine of my words. I have a lot of responsibilities at my job that prevent me from taking the time that I should to promote the book. I think the real answer your question is I’ve continued to read a lot. I’ve also discovered this genre of podcasts that are in the same vein as self improvement books. I should point out that most the time when I say I’ve read a book. I listen to the audio book. I’m an audio book fanatic. So I’ve kind of switched to podcasts. I adore yours.

Rebecca – Thank you.

David – I I’ve listened to, like, 25 episodes in three days. So you’re totally in my head and just your mind that you’re my new nudge.

Rebecca – Er, honestly, will you know more about me than I do? I gotta listen to my podcast again.

David – That’s how I feel about my book sometimes.I’m like, I wrote that a year ago. I don’t remember that. Um, but I continue to do that. And I’m just, you know, I’m succeeding at work, which is really what I love doing. And I don’t know, Fine. I wasn’t gonna tell you this, but I’m gonna I’m gonna tell you I’m this close to publishing my first Children’s book. Oh, wonderful. So when you do that, we have to have it again. That’s really proud of it. I’m really excited about it. And I didn’t even know I had a Children’s book in me. But I had a life experience, and I’m telling someone about it. And then I turned it into a Children’s book story. And, well, maybe I mean,

Rebecca – Both books are great, right? Maybe the 1st one was for you to get your feet wet before producing the next one. And either way it becomes part of your body of work.

David – I think that I think that when you have the urge to be creative, you have to follow that. Whether people are interested in what you created or not is irrelevant. I had a book in me. I had to create it. I have had a handful of people say it’s helped my marriage. It saved my marriage. It’s put me on a new path that is improving me. Not a lot. But I didn’t write it for everyone. I wrote it for me, though I think if I could give any advice to your listeners, I know you’d agree with this. It’s follow your passion to create, because when we create where our best selves.

Rebecca – Yes, I’ll ask if you felt this way, too. As I actually act on that impulse, I get more ideas to create.

David – Yes.

Rebecca – And, then you have to, you know, carry around your notebook everywhere you go, there’s these ideas come. And now I have someone say to me the other day and night,if you need ideas for podcasts like Here’s a little list somewhere. I’m like, What! I have 100 topics I haven’t even gotten to yet my own life. Like I need two weeks to just go in a room and just start recording. But there’s just so much that’s been pent up that it’s like it has to get out. And I love how you said that, you know, it’s for you first and then the byproduct is some other people helped, and I’m really grateful that we had some building issues, As I’m sure you’ve heard about my building issues, but we had to go sit in this basement in a room with all these desk together and this very forward thinking Mark Oehlert. He now works at Amazon. He had started a blog and I had started one, and I was worried about people viewing it. He’s like, No, no, don’t ever worry about that right for yourself and and then the right people will come to it. And even if one person has a benefit from it, how wonderful. First. And it helped me because I’m not concerned about likes and re shares, not that but it’s neat that when you act on that impulse to treat your gifted with more impulse is to create Well, do you have any last wisdom you wanted to share?

David – I think that the takeaway from my book is that you have to keep growing every day, and if you’re not growing, you’re just kind of stagnant and maybe even dying. You know, I I think it’s sad that some some of us just stop trying to improve ourselves mentally after college, you know? Why not pick up a book that will make you better at life? There are so many people who have taken the time to share their experiences and share their wisdom in the pages of books like Everything You Need Is There Like Why? Okay, here’s here’s a good example. Why should I try to raise a teenage girl with the knowledge I have? I don’t know anything about raising a teenage girl. I had a teenage sister and we didn’t get along, you know, and I don’t really pay attention to how my parents were parenting her. I don’t know any raising a teenage girl, so if you could give me a couple of books untangled under pressure These are my Bibles for howto be a better father To my teenage girls, it’s just one example. But I think everyone should truly embrace the fact that all these books are available and they will make them better if they just find five or 10 minutes a day to read. That’s That’s my wisdom, I guess is just grow.

Rebecca – I like that, you know, continue learning, continue growing. It’s not an age thing anymore. You just gotta keep at it and offering up your best. So how do people contact you?

David – I mean, my whole career is an Internet marketing, So if you Google David, maybe I better be at the top. Otherwise, you’re faltering on the job. But I mean it is David will be on linked in David McBee on the on Facebook. Just you could be anywhere or email David at David. Maybe you’ve made it very simple and straightforward, I think. Just remember David McBee should be able to find me.

Rebecca Clark – That’s good, cause I will include your information. Thank you. Thank you Are being on this today. It’s been great to get connected and to share your work with the world. And I’m excited for your secret work that’s in process. Anxious to get that when it comes out.

David – Well, I am so grateful to you for taking the time to do this. But more importantly, for all the wisdom you’ve shared with me this week, and I you know, I’m gonna be listening to you every week, so I appreciate you.

Rebecca – Uh, the stakes are higher now.

David – I’m a real fan. I didn’t just so that I’d be able to have this interview are really, really Thank you.

Rebecca – Thanks for listening to the show today. If you enjoyed it, I’d love if you’d write a review and share the show with your friends, sign up for a weekly nudge at move your desk dot com. See you next Monday.