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When I coach, I use mind frameworks to organize what is going on in your brain so that all the great information you consume and learn can be turned into something useful toward upleveling your work.
This episode is extracted from some work I did with a client a few weeks ago. I walk through his initial thoughts and then a thought that would serve him better in making is desires come true. In this case, he wanted to be accepted as capable and ready for the next level of leadership.
Tune in to see if he made it to his goal or if he has more work to do.
More episodes available at https://www.moveyourdesk.com/podcast
Episode 68 Show Notes
Episode 68 Transcript
This is Rebecca Clark. Episode 68 Up Leveling a Thought With a Mind Framework. This podcast is for anyone that knows they haven’t yet found and offered up their best work but are compelled to seek it out and do it. Are you ready to do your dust? Hello, podcasting friends. I’ve been working with a lot of clients that air up leveling their work. And, of course, I use frameworks to help manage the mind through this process. And I wanted to share with you today. Ah, recording that I created this week where I shared an example from a coaching session that I had had a few weeks ago with one of my clients. And I thought it was a great way to show how we can work on our mind and change our thoughts to better serve us. And so I’m sharing this in video format and in podcast format for you, too. Pay attention to how we work through a thought and how we work on changing a thought. Of course, it’s not in a lot of detail, but it’s enough detail to see how you could self coach yourself if you wanted to, to start changing your thoughts if you’re trying to up level your life for your work. So this is an excerpt from a video that I use toward marketing my coaching, but I figured I’d share it here because why not? Right, Take a listen. I promised to introduce to you in mind framework that would help you work on your thoughts toward getting you to that next step in your work. But first, I would like to tell you about the crab theory. Have you heard of it before? I’ve been hearing about it a lot lately. Crabs. The things you see on the beach right when they’re put in a bucket supposedly do not help each other when one tries to climb out. Now, if you think of crabs, think that wow, if one of them tried to get up a little higher, someone could climb on top of that one another crab on that one, and pretty soon one could fall out of the bucket. The rest could follow the same procedure and somehow figure out something on the other side and help them all out. But that’s not what happens with crabs, right? If one of the crabs tries to get out the other crabs, try to pull it back down, and you can have all kinds of insights into this little story. But one of them is that Ah, lot of people will do this to you as you have ideas to move forward in your work. And part of it is, I think, that they want to feel like something’s not possible. And when you start crawling out of that bucket, you’re showing it’s possible and those that see that all of a sudden realize whips. It’s possible I might take some extra work. I might have to get uncomfortable. Uh, let’s just pull this person down so that we stay where we are. We don’t really like it, but it’s better than having to go through that uncomfortableness of trying to go on and move out. So I share that story because in that process of up leveling and changing and trying to move your desk into a new work situation, there will be people that have worries and concerns and are angry or question why you would want this, and we can allow that to mean something for us, or we can complete disregard their thoughts because we’re working on ourselves. Either way, there’s a lot of thoughts going on between you and the others, and in our minds we make up all kinds of stories. And so this mind framework was actually created by Brook Castillo at the Life Coach School. And she calls it the model. And it’s something that brings in things from neuroscience and psychology and biology. And it’s a way to take very complex things that we know about the brain and simplify in the way that you can use it on an everyday basis. And I am all about the frameworks right. If you work with me, you will be exposed to many more frameworks that helped organize our brain and actually help us work on solving problems in the right ways. I wanted to share an example from a client because I was meeting with him and in the process of coaching. He said that people thought that he was too young at work and it’s interesting because this thought comes up with a lot of people. In fact, I wanted to share with you some other thoughts that have come up with clients really quick because these air coming out of the mouths of people that are very successful in life and in work like a lot of them, make six figures and have for a long time, right. But listen to these thoughts. I think they think I’m too young for a leadership role. I don’t use all the big fancy words and have the initials behind my name that other leaders have. What if I can’t actually do the job? I don’t think I know enough yet to be an expert. I keep hearing that most businesses fail. I’m off to a slow start, so maybe I will, too. I thought This is what I wanted. But now I’m confused. I don’t know what to do to take the next step. I think I missed my chance. I’m 60 and the opportunity probably passed me by. I don’t know if my family and friends will understand or support me in this next step. They think my Facebook post about my business are crazy. I’m wondering if I should just play it safe and stay in my lane. Have you heard those thoughts? These thoughts earned the same brains that have all these other amazing thoughts that help us get the results we want. So when we are working on a mind framework, we don’t take all those thoughts. We just take one of them. I kind of put these on. That’s what these pieces of paper hiding right here, right? Some of this stuff. So I took one thoughts from this client and it, you know, he’s thinking that leadership thinks he’s too young. Leadership never said it, but that’s how he feels that they think he’s too young and he’s 31 years old. So of course he’s too young, Right, except for other 31 year olds, have been perfectly fine with leadership. Doesn’t have anything to do with the H Now what we did next is, he said, okay, when you have that thought that they think you know I’m too young to become a leader, how do you feel inside? Because our feelings matter and I will tell you what Ah, lot of you high performers don’t realize this you hard workers, you think, Ah, let’s put the feelings aside. Let’s get to work out on care, I feel. But the reality is, is we switch are thought to say I don’t care how I feel. I’m going to get this done. I want the outcome that comes with it, right? So we switch our thought because the other thoughts that keep us from getting the right feelings are still there. It’s all deep inside us. But some of us just weren’t aware. And I’m including myself in that. So we brainstorm some possible feelings he was feeling for just this thought, right? Not all the other thoughts that could be turning in his head. The other thoughts were discounted, inhibited, thwarted, unmotivated, underappreciated despair. Let all these feelings are these feelings serving him, not most of us. And until we switch, are thought about it and go. Okay, I’m gonna prove them wrong or something. But I said OK for purposes of this exercise as we self coach ourselves, let’s keep it simple. Which feeling do you get when you think I am too young for a leadership position and hiss feeling that he wanted to stick with was discounted, He felt discounted. Now what do you dio when you feel discounted? Hey, there’s a lot of things that you can feel when you’re discounted and actions you will take or, more likely, less action, right? But some of the actions we take when we feel discounted are not helpful to us. Our mind can start to churn. We can start talking with people about how discounted we are. How were not being appreciated at work. We can start giving excuses for things or find fault with leadership. We can engage in Ah, whole lot of mind chatter and unhelpful actions. And what do you think the result is of that? If you were to think about it a little bit, well, you’re actually getting less work done, and you’re not improving as much. Right? You’re spending that time talking with co workers, your spending that time complaining about someone. You just contract ID to work on your website for you, you doing all the things. Except here’s the problem. You’re not turning into a leader from that approach, because none of these actions are leader actions. When were acting this way, we’re not acting in a leadership capacity now. The same person could act in a leadership position or capacity at some point, but they’ve switched their thought in those moments. In the other moments, they’re engaging in this kind of thing. So what do you do about it? Well, most of us don’t change overnight or in the moment of that discovery, but it’s important to say Whoa, You know, sometimes we haven’t Ah ha and realize how off we are. But sometimes you’re like, Whoa, what’s going on with me? So it increases our awareness, at least right to see that This thinking, this rumor, this story that we’re spreading about ourselves is making us feel discounted. And when we discount ourselves or have that feeling, we’re gonna be engaging and commiserating right in the bottom of the barrel of crabs. And there’s no part of this is that’s finding its way out of that barrel. But it’s just not That’s a different thought. And so what we can do is, after noticing it go Okay, I’m someone who wants to work to change this, right, because I’m someone that’s trying to up level my work, and in this case, this client wanted to be a senior leader. He knew he had the skills. He knew he had the experience. He knew he had respect from people and he knew that this could be a possibility. But in this moment of up leveling the self sabotage starts to occur. Like when we start thinking all the thoughts. Oh, the leadership’s gonna think I’m too young. Oh, they’re not going to give me a chance. Oh, this so that and engaging in these actions are going to ensure that you are not thought of for that next opportunity. So what can we dio? Well, we can start focusing on what we desire. So what does he really desire? So we come over here and we take a look. Now I’m going to do it the opposite. As I did this, I’m going to go from what? The outcome he wants tohave. He wants to be a senior leader. So what actions do senior leaders dio? Well, they help people. They proactively find ways to improve themselves and others they’re available from and touring and coaching strategizing, helping their team or organization through whatever they need to think about. And so this is how a senior leader acts, right? Look at the difference. This is not what they’re doing when they’re a senior leader. This may happen with senior leaders once in a while. Don’t get me wrong, But the thought that helps them move forward with the right feelings and the right actions has nothing to do with this stuff over here, right? So what kind of feeling would someone have that is doing all of these kinds of things because we actually take all of our actions from our feelings. These were some of the feelings that the client came up with. That person must feel trusted or respected, appraised or validated or proven or revered. These are not the same kind of feelings. There’s a big difference between these feelings right as saying that negative feelings can’t serve us sometimes. But in certain situations you can see you can look at it from the one set of feelings. If you just saw these and said What’s going on, you would think this person was going through a lot deeper stuff than they actually are. Maybe you think they’re being bullied or abused. They got fired or something, right? Those air, quite the negative emotions. But my client decided out of all of those words. He wanted to feel revered. If he is a senior leader taking these kinds of actions, he would feel revered revered deep admiration or respect for someone. That’s a beautiful thought. For most of us, right to be revered and someone who is revered with certainly take these kinds of actions, would they not? So in order to feel revered, what kind of thought would we have? Well, my client decided that Hiss thought was, I am an ideal senior director. I’m ideal for the job, right? I’ve got the skills and the experience. I’ve done the work. I have a track record to prove it. I have great ways to bring in money for the organization, in fact, have a track record of bringing in more than everyone else. And I have the desire to work with a team I have the desire to mentor and coach. I want to share what I know with others so I can bring up the performance of everyone. I I am an ideal senior leader. Pay attention to the differences here, right? Which one is actually prepared to be a senior leader? One of them’s on track, and one of them is in the mind. Turn right. It’s not helping him. He may not be considered well. I have good news in this case, this client went toe work on his thoughts. And just within a couple of weeks, he was selected to be the senior leader of a team. Now, does that mean his work stops? Absolutely not. It’s just the beginning, my friends. Right? When you up level your work, you are signing up for the stuff that comes with that level of work, which means you will constantly have mawr toe work on. Now, I did want to point out something, and that is that sometimes that this is too big of a gap, you can say affirmations and affirmations air fine. Like I am a great senior leader. I’m a great senior leader. But if you don’t believe it in your subconscious mind, this will win out right that other thought will went out. And so we can go toe work on something that I call ladder thoughts. And I’ve gotten that term from numerous people, actually. So I’m gonna remove my sticky post right here, and I’m gonna put this one up ladder thoughts. I wanted to show you an example of some possible ladder thoughts you could have for this particular situation if you weren’t quite ready for the I am an ideal senior leader. Thought so. Ladder has rungs on it. Each wrong could represent a step. So I am an ideal senior leader. Might be a too little farfetched. So let’s start at the bottom. I kind of threw the little too young in there, so you’d have context, right? I am too young to be a senior leader. Well, a next thought could be. I want to learn how to be a senior leader, right? I I’m open to learning. I’m curious about learning the next one, and I want to figure out how toe be a senior leader. So you learned a little, and now you’re like, Okay, how do I kind of apply this? The next thought is I’m practicing to become a senior leader. So you’re starting to engage in more behaviors. Maybe You think I’m gonna help out another employee more? I’m going to demonstrate that I am able to mentor coach, train others. Next that I am proposing that I lied. Something like some kind of initiative or some project that’s coming up. Maybe you could propose yourself for it or be able to just say, you know, maybe there’s something you can already lied. So I’m gonna lead this particular project. Why not? You know, before you might have been treating it like this commonplace little thing. Now you’re going to turn it into a formalized project to demonstrate you know how to lead and to manage something. And then another possible thought. I am presenting myself on a daily basis, as if I am in this senior leadership capacity. Any of these thoughts could work. And maybe you need to start at the bottom right. Other times you might work on one of these mind frameworks and go, Oh, I’m ready for this thought. I feel good about it. I feel like I can do that. I think that will help me get to my next step. Sometimes people have this in. My client had this where somehow this resonated. He worked with it right in front of me. It resonated with him, and he has held him immediately. Switch the thought and move forward and and be patient with yourself. Sometimes you’ll immediately embrace the new thought and discard the old thought and say, Forget it. I’m just the fine age, right? But other times you’ll need a little bit more help. It just won’t resonate will be like, Whoa, that is so aspirational. That’s out of my league and that’s okay. We’re a work in progress, right? So those air some possibilities of ladder thoughts. It’s amazing to watch clients mind goto work for themselves. I don’t take any credit or responsibility for their successes or failures. The work is yours, right? I show up having done work on myself, I get coached. I keep learning. I keep getting coached and coaching, right, so that I’m engaged in that process all the time. But your job is to show up and do the work as well. And so in the next video, I’m going to be sharing a little bit how you can work with me. So if you’re not interested in that, that’s fine. You don’t even have to watch it. I purposely put it in a separate video in case all you wanted to hear was this brief training that I was gonna share. But I hope you found some value in it. This is something that we can work on every day. You can wake up in the morning, get all of your thoughts on paper and just take a look at them and go, Whoa, What’s that thought? I don’t know what was going on with me with that thought and decided to work on it, decided to find out how you’re feeling when you have that thought decided to see what actions you take or what actions you don’t from that thought and what the outcomes are. And if you don’t like the outcomes, it’s a chance to start finding new thoughts to help you level up into what you need to dio. I think that getting training like this can help us improve our mind. But what I have personally found most valuable in addition to that is having a chance to look at your mind with someone else. And that is what a coach conduce Oh for you. So tune into the next video. If you’re interested to find out how to work together. Thanks for listening to the show today. If you enjoyed it, I’d love if you’d write a review and share the show with your friends, sign up for a weekly nudge at move your desk dot com. See you next Monday