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Swearing is all around us. Most of us express our anger, discontent, funny interactions, and other life and work moments infused with a few colorful words that can further provoke … or illicit laughter.
Except, that some of us don’t swear. It’s just not our thing.
I’m not here to tell you whether it is right or wrong, but I did want to share a few small experiences that taught me that the underlying judgements about it can often prevent us from truly listening and learning from those that have a different communication approach than our own.
Episode 92 Show Notes
Episode 92 Transcript
This is Rebecca Clark Episode 92 All of the swear ing’s This podcast is for anyone that knows they haven’t yet found and offered up their best work but are compelled to seek it out and do it. Are you ready to move your desk? A few years ago, I was on a team at work that was working very hard, having lots of difficulty, interactions, whether that was on the team, whether it was with leadership, whether it was with the client, because we were all contractors and we were in situations where a lot of people were getting angry and there was a lot of swearing and there was a lot of stress and that’s just very normal on some projects, right? And you learn how to work through that and deal with it. But I was called out a lot because I never sore. I’m just not a swear. I don’t swear offline. I don’t swear online. I don’t swear in my mind this is just the way it is, right? And so I just don’t like it as a form of communication. I think everyone is allowed to express themselves however they want. I just don’t swear. And so it’s very interesting because one of the youngest people on the team his name was Matt always was trying to make me swear it was like his goal on the job to make Rebecca swear. And he just couldn’t do it. Because, of course, if someone’s going to try to make me do it, I become even more firm in my desire and belief that that’s not what I dio right. And this is what happens a lot when we’re trying to change people right? They’re gonna but back their heads and go. Nope, nope. Going to be exact opposite, Right? This happens. So anyway, it was pretty funny because one day he announced to a group that we’re in a meeting with that. He wanted them to inform him if they ever heard me swear. And it was pretty funny because he was not in a meeting a few weeks later where I got garbled up in trying Thio communicate something and I used a four letter word without realizing it, and the whole room gasped and laughed and everything because they knew this was not part of me, and they all ran off to tell Matt and he was so disappointed. Uh huh. That he did not get to experience this, but it was interesting as he started telling people. Okay, if you ever hear Clark swear there’s two things going on, either she’s way over the top, Angry or number two, she’s gone crazy. Either way, you need to head to the exits. Eso That’s a funny little story to me in my life of how someone else was very concerned about the words I was using and not using and desired me to use these words, which is hilarious because he swore enough for both of us, right? So But anyway, I don’t swear. I don’t use it as a way to communicate. I think it doesn’t create more of anything. And me, I’m like, Okay, they couldn’t think of another word. And yet, as I’ve gone through life these last few years, I’ve had some interesting experiences which have taught me a lot because I had a lot of judgments around this, right, Like I could automatically discount you if you swore too much. And like they can’t think of anything else, right? Using the cheap words. But one of my friends. Deborah read this book that she absolutely loved, and she said, You need to read it her back Kind of like I’m sorry the title has swearing in it, So I just think that’s a cheap title like this does nothing for me. They couldn’t think of a better word. Everyone knows how to swear. This is very easy stuff, right? She’s like, Well, it’s a good book and so she would tell me things from it. I’m like, You’re right. That’s good stuff. I’m just not reading the book. So one day, a couple of years later, I’m walking through Tar Jay and in tar Jay Target. I see a flash of a lime green book cover, and I will admit I get sucked in when something’s light green, not light green, lime green or turquoise or bright yellow like I love these bright colors on. I looked over and I recognized the title because it was similar to the book she had wanted me to read. It was pulling me to it. I don’t know if it was the lime green or the fact that it had the word money on the cover. Don’t know. Maybe it was a nudge. It was a spiritually nudge, who knows? But I picked up the book and I’m like, You know what? I’m going to give this woman a chance. And this woman’s Jensen Chiro and I picked up the book and I loved it and there was a little bit of swearing. There’s a little bit of crude language, and I’d cringe every time I came across and like, really like, Was that really necessary right now? Because that’s my feeling. Sometimes it’s just not necessary. It’s just put in there, like for shock value, which I’m assuming The shock value of swearing has gone down extremely the last few years because we just hear it so much. It’s like, Okay, whatever. I loved the book. I loved it so much that I went and I bought the audio version of it so I could listen to it on my commute and get the ideas she was talking about into my mind. And the interesting thing is, most of the ideas were not new, but she presented it in a way that resonated with me and I’ve talked about resonated before, but I thought it was so interesting that this woman that I was not giving a chance to because she swore too much and she had a title on her book that didn’t resonate. I was missing out on some things I needed to learn, and I needed to learn from someone who communicated differently than I did. And I have probably listened to that book eight times, and I’m listening to it again this week and I love it. And every time I still cringe when she says some of the things she says. But I need the rest of the stuff in the book. And I feel like I’ve learned a lot through this because some of the favorite people that I love learning from swear like you look at Burn a. Brown and Gary V. Jensen Chiro Maria for Leo thes people swear as part of their coaching is part of what they offer. And I would miss out on that if I were to say, Oh, they’re doing the too much swearing they’re doing to too much crudeness At the same time, I don’t seek out crudeness. I don’t seek out the swearing, but I understand this is part of how Tony Robbins delivers his stuff right? Brooke Castillo, Leah, my primary life coach, school coach. She swears in some of her stuff, and I don’t know if Simon Sinek does or if Seth Godin does. But I love what they share. This was just a reminder to me that it’s important toe learn from people that are different than you in some way. I was looking at a post on Instagram a few weeks ago from a coach. That’s very I wouldn’t say proper, but she she never swears, is never crude or profane or anything, because she is a coach for women of a particular religious belief. And what I thought was interesting is another coach that knows her very well, made a comment in one of her post because, she said, I’m impressed. You know that term because she kind of used this term. That was a bit from the street, Let’s say, and I thought it was interesting. So, like, you know what? That coach that made the comment assumed that the person that wasn’t being profane or crude didn’t know or understand crude terms or profane things, and I knew that the person did understand. They just chose not to communicate in that way they just didn’t choose to have that is part of how they interact with the world doesn’t mean they’re not aware of it doesn’t mean they’re clueless doesn’t mean they’re naive. They’ve just chosen to not communicate in that way. And I’m hoping that that coach that made the comment is still willing to learn from this woman. That she perceives is a little naive, right, that that’s not the same as her, because the one that made the comment has very much market herself with profane language, right? That’s part of her language, and she’s very successful because she has a lot of great things to share. I would just encourage you as you look at how you are communicating, decide what you want to communicate. Is profanity going to be part of how you do that or is it not? And be okay with your choice? People will be attracted to you because you’ve made certain choices. People will be repelled and you will be the same way for others that I would recommend ah, little nudge. But if you see someone that seems the opposite of you or uses different language than you to give them a bit of a chance. If you think that there is something good that they’re offering underneath that that will help you be better because there could be some hidden nuggets, and you may have something that you need toe. Learn from that person. Just some thoughts about all the swear ings. Talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to the show today. If you enjoyed it, I’d love if you’d write a review and share the show with your friends, sign up for a weekly nudge at move your desk dot com. See you next Monday.