Episode 140 – The Keeper of the Lighthouse with Denita Bremer

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Denita Bremer never intended to become a coach. In fact, she enjoyed being a full-time mother and wife.

But, she has always been interested in figuring out who she really is through personal development, psychology, personality tests, and life experiences.

Now she’s stepping into what she believes her purpose is right now. She is a life coach with a special focus on helping women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints discover their true identify and fully embrace it.

She loves that she gets t help people just like her. And, they are attracted to her when she steps into fully embracing her own identify.

On her website, she shares:

“When you know and love who you are, and you follow your intuition, you come alive.

You fulfill your purpose in this world.

Your life has true meaning.

I help you stop feeling like you aren’t good enough so you can do just that.”

This podcast episode title was inspired by a story she shares about a lighthouse.

Tune in to find out more about Denita’s journey and insights to help you on yours.

Connect with Denita (Website) – https://denitabremer.com/

Check out more Move Your Desk products and services at https://learn.moveyourdesk.com

Episode 140 Transcript

This is Rebecca Clark Episode 140. The gatekeeper of the Lighthouse with Denita Bremer This podcast is for anyone that knows they haven’t yet found and offered up their best work but are compelled to seek it out and do it. Are you ready to move your desk? Mm hmm. Yeah. It’s great to have you today for having me. It’s so fun to be. Yeah. And what’s very cool is I believe we met through instagram. Yes, I think so. So the power of social media today, a lot of people bring up the good, the bad and the ugly and this is part of the good. Yes, it’s the social part of social media. Right, right. Just so the listeners know you reached out to me a few weeks uh not a few weeks ago. It’s been months now just because you were exploring what you’re doing with your work and it sounds like you were talking to a lot of people at that time because you are fine tuning yourself and what you want to do next. And so I’m curious as we start out first of all, could you take a couple of minutes to share with us who you are, what you currently do and anything that would be important for us to understand before we listen to you. Yeah, sure. Um so I’m Denita Bremer, I’m a life coach. I live in the Denver area. I have three kids and a husband all in the same house right now and it really hasn’t gotten to me until the last couple of months a year and a half in and now I’m like these people to be away from me. So, um, most of the time I just love them and yeah, and what do I do? So I’m a life coach and I coach around, I coach latter day Saint women or moms and the, what I coached around is always the fine tuning part. Um, it tends to be like self worth identity, those kinds of things all under the umbrella of how do we be better moms and people in the world? That’s sort of the journey I started out coaching around sex and then I went to just kind of a general, I’ll help you feel fulfilled in your life. And then I narrowed down to coaching around shame and that particular emotion and, and when I reached out to you, I what I was finding is that the word shame wasn’t landing with a lot of people, they didn’t really know what shame meant or so many people had a different definition for Shane. So that’s kind of like I did a series of interviews asking people kind of like, what does that mean to them and all of that. So I’ve moved away from calling myself a shame coach, although it really still is kind of the essence of the work that I do. Um, it’s just that I don’t feel good enough. I, you know, a lot of the emotions surrounding that, the anxiety or depression or dread or you know, just plain old shame too. I mean it manifests in so many different ways. Yeah, so that’s, that’s kind of what I do and I’m always, I’m, it’s really a personal journey for me that I don’t know, I think I just sort of fell into like, well let’s make it into a business and be a coach. But I feel like I always enjoy it more and I’m more effective when I just share the journey that I’m on. So this is my own personal work to overcome the feelings of inadequacy and shame and all of those kinds of thoughts and then I just kind of share that in the world and when people resonate with me, then I coached them. That’s so great. I know that when I sent out an announcement about this meeting today, right, I called you the deep dive shame coach, but it was interesting because I went to your website just through a browser and then I went through it through instagram and I noticed it took me to two different pages and like, oh wait a second. And so I’m glad you clarified like the direction you’re going in there getting very focused to helping women of one faith versus coming from the shame perspective or coming from the general perspective. And so that I’m you answered a question I had because I got to the different sites and like, wow, these both look really nice, but I can’t really tell which one is the official or the most recent because I knew you were changing it up a little bit. Yeah, and actually I haven’t updated my website. It’s like I’m hoping to get that done by the end of the year because deep dive shame coached, it still resonates a lot with me and my definition of shame, but it doesn’t tend to get traction in the world when I talk about my work that way. So I’m kind of moving to just being a general life coach for a lot of a saint women and I love the idea of coaching kind of the whole person. I just, and maybe that’s an excuse to like not have to niche down but um, but I mean really, it’s how do I be a good mom and, and I mean and that we could come out that a million ways like we could talk about the strategy and the time management and this and that and all of that, but the part that I love about that is how like who do I want to be the identity of myself and what is preventing me from being that. So it’s a lot about that core of like identity and and then I just feel like things like shame, shame is a lot to do with who am I and like I am broken, I am flawed in some way. So it’s the way I look at it is, it’s very tied to identity. So really, basically this entire year, I’ve been on this sort of healing journey myself and I haven’t spent a lot of time in the business and the back end of my business, I’ve just kind of allowed myself to put everything on hold and and so that’s why the website still says that and like I said, it still does resonate with me, but I think a truer, a truer thing is just to say I coach latter day Saint women on whatever they’re struggling with and letting my message and like when you come across me on instagram or whatever, if that if what I speak about resonates with you, then we’re probably a good fit instead of me trying to like define this sort of whole of these are my people, it’s just like I am the niche, if you like me, if you enjoy hearing what I talk about then would probably be a good fit, right? You know, it’s interesting, you bring this up because I come to it from the career or work angle and I come to it from that angle because of the same reasons you stated, that’s my comfort level. And so when I show up with people and saying, oh I’m gonna help you with your feelings and stuff, they’re like what they kind of laugh because like I came to you for my resume or like to find out how I should interact with the leadership right? Like, but I don’t come to you when I want to like cry on a shoulder or something. But it’s so interesting because people may cry with me but they don’t think of me to come cry to, you know, and what you brought up is very interesting to see as a trend when you talk about trying to figure out what resonates with you, but also needs to resonate with the people that are attracted to you and how do you get that balance because it has to resonate with you if you’re the one providing the service, you know, and yet like it’s how do you be true to yourself while you’re also trying to find the people are right for you and I think you hit upon upon that struggle that everyone goes through going well. Do I have to give up part of myself in order to serve those that I know I can help or do, I just show up more as me and I’ll attract yeah. To me, my opinion having, I’ve done this for three years and before that I was a stay at home mom for 16 years and so having a career and being an entrepreneur was nowhere on my radar. It wasn’t like I was harboring this dream or this design fire for years and years and decided to put it on hold to grow my family, right? I was like, I’m gonna be a stay at home mom, I’m gonna be mom. And then this whole thing dropped into my lap and I’m like, I’m very faith oriented and so recently a coach that I was working with said, oh, your business is very much a faith journey for you. And it was like this light bulb moment where I was like, why didn’t I see that before? Because I’ve heard myself say so many times like, well I’m just a coach because I started listening to podcasts. I’ve I’ve always been kind of bent towards psychology and self improvement, self help and I just like prayed about it one day and it was so strong, I was like, oh, I think heavenly father wants me to be a coach and I was totally scared like I can’t do that, I can’t be an entrepreneur, I can’t have a business like what in the world. And so it really has been a faith journey and until that coach reflected that back to me, it’s like I knew it but I didn’t know it, like I knew it subconsciously, but it hadn’t been explicitly put in those terms. And so this whole journey, like picking my niche and, you know, down to the nitty gritty is always about my, my soul’s expression and like what feels right to me and it’s really funny because I’ve always thought of myself as a very like Heady intellectual person. What I’m learning to discover is that I’m actually not, I’ve just learned to be that because of kind of our culture and our education system kind of rewards us for for being an intellectual person, I’m really very much a feelings oriented go off of my intuition kind of person and I just have never allowed myself to do that until recently. So yeah, it’s all it’s always been about what feels right to me, except that when I first started, I had these mentors and these teachers saying you need to pick a niche and you need to do this and you need to do that. And so I’m like okay they’re successful, so I’ll just do what they tell me. But it was always like a little bit Not uncomfortable in a way, like I’m growing, it’s uncomfortable, but like it just didn’t resonate with me uncomfortable. And so this entire year 2021 has been about me sort of exploring that this other side of me and allowing myself to follow my intuition and to just do things because that’s where I feel pulled to and and that is the struggle I think is like when the when the mentors, when the teachers say do X, Y. Z. But it doesn’t super resonate with us in our sole how do we reconcile that? And I think everyone kind of just comes at it in their own way. And the I think the people that my opinion is that the people that find success following the mentors, they just happened to find a mentor who is teaching them in a way that lines up with their soul, right? And yeah, and it is, it’s a difficult journey to like figure that out and and part of this year has been, I have a lot of trauma from my childhood and my past, some kind of like big t capital trauma, traumatic events and some just sort of like developmental complex trauma and I finally decided that I needed to address it and figure it out because I was like, I’ve fallen under the camp of like I don’t need to do that, like I’ll just, I’ll just like power my way through and I’ll figure it out and and like I have this amazing beautiful life, right? And so in so many ways I have been successful, I have a beautiful family, I have a beautiful home, like I have a community that I feel connected to. And so it’s like on the outside it’s why do I need to go do that work? But once I started having a business, I started rubbing up against these rough edges that I felt like I was the one holding myself back, but it was like this like inside of me that I couldn’t quite name, it was just this feeling of like we can’t do that, we can’t go there and so learning about my nervous system and regulation and overcoming trauma and all of those things have shed a new light on the whole conversation of like business and niche and you know, your souls work versus like how do you become successful? You know, strategically and those kinds of things. Yeah, it is quite the journey and as you talk about it, you know, I reflect on my own realizing how difficult it is because I think we went to the same coach school, the life coach school, okay. And there’s a very defined way to do things and that’s fine because it’s their school and um like you said sometimes you go through and some things don’t resonate and I know for me, I went through the experience of thinking there’s something wrong with me and like why isn’t this resonating, it’s so easy, it’s so clear I should take this, this and this step to get to success and then to realize, oh, I’m on a personal journey for personal growth and a journey to build a business and to recognize in that process, I’m not going to be a replica of someone else. I’m going to be my own thing and that it’s a journey to not only figure out who you are, but then to create who you are into your business and it’s this process of pain and growth, right? As you add things in, decide if you want them discard them and just keep going through that process. So I love how you are discovering that you’re willing to go through that process. I think there’s a lot of patients involved and trial and error and self judgment. It brings up all the well and I heard somebody recently say when you have like a product based business, so like say you’re selling iphones or something, right? When somebody buys the product and they’re Unpleased, like they’re not pleased with it or there’s some problem. They’re not saying like, Oh, I like, I don’t like you as the business owner. It’s, it’s more like I don’t like your product. So you’re a little bit removed when you have that kind of a business versus when you’re like, hey, I’m a coach and I can help you and this is who I am and like there, I don’t know how many coaches, thousands, hundreds of thousands of coaches. And so the thing that sets sets us each a part is who we are. And so when someone comes into your orbit and then they’re like, yeah, I don’t really like this. Like I’m going to unsubscribe from your email list. It’s really hard to not take that at least a tiny bit personally. Right? Because of the whole idea of personal brand, like you are your brand. And so part of the work that I’ve done this this year honestly has been separating myself from my brand and like what does that mean? Right? And the image that always comes to my mind. I hope this helps some of your audience is a lighthouse. So we have the lighthouse that is shining its light, you know, to show the the ships out on the sea or whatever where there are rocks or where they can safely come into harbor. But there’s also when we think of this beautiful analogy of the lighthouse, we usually focus on the light and how it’s like built on the rock and it can withstand the storms. But one thing I realized is there’s also a lighthouse keeper, right? And so when I’m thinking about brand and and who I am and who my brand is, I’m the lighthouse keeper, that’s who I am as the human in the business, right? And my brand is the lighthouse. So I get to decide what my lighthouse looks like and what color light it shines and when the lights on and when the lights off and whatever. But as the keeper of the lighthouse, my job is to keep my inspiration up right? To to find what inspires me and and to take care of myself physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually, right? Because if I’m not in that space, then the lights going out in the lighthouse and that has brought me so much comfort because I was thinking that I had to be the lighthouse and then like I had to somehow shine this specific light for this specific person that I want to help. And there’s a little bit of that there. But when I think of myself as the lighthouse keeper, it feels so much more free to me, it’s like, yeah, I’m going to keep this light on, I’m gonna put whatever I put on my website, whatever I put in my social media, right? But then I’m the human who also has a life, right? So, so yeah, and I, and that has been really powerful for me because I do kind of have a personal brand, but that doesn’t mean that everything in my life has to go into my brand, right? Yeah, that’s about, I love that story, that analogy because even as you shared with them, like, oh, I’m so relieved. Yes, because some of us, like, like you said, you’re a stay at home mom and then you had this inspiration as a spiritual nudge and then you acted upon it and now you’re doing something completely different than you planned. And I’m assuming in that process that is like, wait, I wasn’t planning to plaster myself across the world, as you know, I’d rather sell a widget. You know, I just earned money behind the scenes. I just do my thing. But this isn’t it, right? You put your soul into it, but yet you can be the soul behind the running the lighthouse. That’s a relief, you know, to, you know, oh, I could still put my stuff out into the world, but I’m the keeper, not the Yeah, and so many times I’ll be like praying about heavenly Father, like how do I help people, what do you want me to do? And I’m really focused on the person that I’m helping, which is sort of what we’re taught in business, right, is to get into your, your person’s mind, what are they struggling with and all that? And he just keeps reminding me like I just keep getting these spiritual nudges like this isn’t about them right? And so part of me is like maybe I’ll never be as like financially successful as I want to be personally, I have a lot of privilege and resources that my business doesn’t have to make a lot of money. So um and I recognize the privilege in that, but I’m just so reminded over and over again this is a personal development faith journey for me and I think when I lean into that, that’s when I’m more successful, when I’m just like, hey everyone, this is what I’m dealing with, this is my journey, this is my story. Then people start coming. They’re like, oh we want to hear, we want to hear. But when I’m like talking about them and their problems, it’s just not as natural for me and I think it dampens my energy and kind of turns people away. So you know, it’s so interesting, like I hear this coming from you and I know both of us have probably heard that from ah who we learned from right as coaches and as business people and everything, but I think it really is true and I’ve struggled to understand that, but I can even say not knowing you very well, right? I just have seen you on instagram and I’ve talked to you once before this when you started to share in the last month or two like that, you’re changing up something and you’re going to be doing this stuff. Like I did personally see some kind of shift and I don’t know what the shift is right now. I haven’t, I haven’t sat there and analyzed it going, okay, she’s changed this and this, but it was almost like you were shifting more into just being you and as you did that, you can see how people naturally come and listen right? And I think you had a podcast episode or something, you’re like, hey, I’m changing the name of it or I’m changing the topics or something and like even hearing that you’re doing that, I’m like, well I got to listen to this episode, I need to know what’s going on here. Yeah, I just recently changed the name of my podcast because it was, it was the shame proof of your life podcast and basically all I did was show up and tell stories from my life because that’s what I felt prompted to do for 40 something episodes. I was like, I’m not quite sure like what the purpose is here and how how this is helping people. And I had to keep reminding myself that when we share our stories, it is helpful, right? It’s helpful to people. But the fuzzy part for me was where does this fall in with like my bigger business structure and my life, you know, and I finally just went like, I think I need to switch this up. Like I kind of came onto the podcast saying, you know, part of shame is when we hide our stories and the things that we don’t, we’re not proud of or whatever. And I still think that’s true. But now I’m using it as sort of like a support to what has, what has really unfolded is my desire and who do I want to help and how do I want to help people? And it’s it’s really more about, you know, helping moms be the best of them be the, what I say in my intro is when you know who you are, you can be the best you at whatever you do, right? So whether you’re a business person or a coach or a mom just with toddlers and babies or, you know, maybe a calling at church or something like that or, or if you work in corporate or, you know, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing. But I think that when, you know yourself, it like magnifies and makes everything so much easier. Right? And so that’s kind of more and I couldn’t have come to that earlier. Like it’s been sort of percolating and I’m like, I’m feeling things shift. But that whole idea of discovering like, who am I really and and my person is like me, right? Which is we went through school and we got really good grades and we graduated valedictorian and we went to college and we graduated in four years. And like, we’ve always gotten the jobs we wanted kind of thing. We’ve been this sort of, you know, very former. Yes, but a low lying like anxiety or depression or just something is just not right, right? Like, I’ve done all these amazing things, but I’m still, I still don’t feel totally fulfilled. I don’t feel totally happy. And that’s because we’ve been living this like, oh, the world wants me to do it this way, I should do this. Yes. And we have never stopped to say, well, what do I want and and who even am I? Right. Right. What what do I love? What lights me up? And I mean, honestly, that’s probably been my journey, my whole adult life is figuring that out. But especially in the last three years since I’ve been a business owner has really forced me to figure that out and now I’m just like, oh my gosh, I just love, I love thinking about identity, I love coaching around identity, I love, you know, peeling all those layers back. I’ve always been really into like personality typing systems, You know, Myers Briggs angiogram, all those kinds of things and you know, and when I became a coach, I sort of said all that stuff aside and I was like the model, the model is the way and the model is beautiful and brilliant. But now I’m sort of letting myself play more like, what do I just love? What? Just like, I just can’t talk about forever. What what would I like do a class on even if nobody paid me or whatever. Right. Right. And that’s what I’m learning. Like I just love these personality systems and like figuring out who am I and how do I set my life up to fit that instead of the other way around right here is the life I want. How do I become the person that has that life? And it’s been really fun and really enlightening. And I mean, I think it’s kind of never ending journey process. Right? Um but yeah, but you can tell that you’ve got like, even as you were talking about it, as you stepped into that identity thing, like all of a sudden you like had even more energy. Okay, so she’s found the next, it’s almost like you um open up these extra little doors, I call it a hallway sometimes, right? Where there’s all these doors in the hallway and you’re opening one, you step in and it’s like, it doesn’t resonate and then you’re like, okay, let me go to the next door and you go in, like, it doesn’t, it’s uncomfortable, but I kind of like, what could be behind this door. So I’m gonna stay awhile, but like, you keep going until you find the door where it’s like, really got the great stuff that resonates with you and everything. And I love how when you describe this, like, you’ve always been trying to figure out who your identity is, even before you heard about coaching, right? And so you’re trying to figure that out, and then now it kind of sped it up with coaching. It, it’s like, it increased your awareness or something, and it almost feels like at least this is what I’m experiencing. I’m interested in knowing your thoughts, that it’s almost like, because this is my purpose that I’m stepping into. I have to experience everything associated with what people would experience, who are trying to step into their purpose, right? That I have to go through all the pain and the experiments and the play, like you said, and I can’t just, I could write, I could just say, I’m going to put up a website, I’m going to help people with this, but the person who does that without any prior experience or pain with it is going to be coming at it from a different way than someone who’s been through the challenges and the trials and the despair associated with trying to find their identity, for example? Um so I’m curious as to how you feel about your journey, like, do you feel like if you look backward, does it all seem to fall into place or is it still confusing how it applies to you now? Where are you in figuring that out? Well, so I think I have always been on the journey of figuring out who I am, especially looking back at my childhood and it’s like it wasn’t the most ideal childhood, it wasn’t the worst childhood either, but it wasn’t the most ideal, right? And there was a lot of, we would call it people pleasing a lot of anticipating other, like my parents and my sisters emotions and fitting myself to what I think they need or want, right? So I was kind of from a very young age, sort of forced to step outside of my own identity and not, not really be a person for me, but to be a person for everybody else. And so in that way I feel like it’s sort of been my life’s work and you know, being a good student, like I thrived with that. Like that was like my sweet spot for a long time, right? So it like being a good student helped me from like my home life, right? It was a respite, it was a place that I could feel good about myself, but then I outgrew that, right? So it’s almost like the hermit crab who outgrows the shell and then outgrows the shell and outgrows the shell and when we’re in between shells were vulnerable and that’s kind of how I see my life and I don’t know about like does it all fall into place? I still, I still feel like I’m at the beginning of the journey, I’m 41 years old and I’m just like, I’m just really now seeing all the possibilities and like the path forward, I will say that I always want the path to be really clear to me, and the at least for me, the lesson is always the path is never going to be clear, You just have to have faith and trust and that’s really hard, right? Especially that good student in me who’s like, tell me how to do the work and I’ll do it and I’ll get the a right, this is like a totally different kind of paradigm here where it’s not about getting the a or doing the work right, right? It’s about your own process in your own discovery, right? And there’s no right or wrong to that, and that feels very uncomfortable and very vulnerable to me. So, I mean, I do, I tend to look at my life as I look back and I tend to put everything in the light of that was supposed to happen and that was supposed to happen. And I pull kind of like wisdom and lessons out of things, there are still a couple of things that have happened in my life that I’m like, I don’t really know what the why is behind that, like, it’s hard for me to pull a lesson out of that, but most of the time I can look back and be like, oh well yeah, I was I was for sure supposed to have that really hard experience because it taught me this, right? And it’s just that idea that every experience we have shapes us into who we are and I I really my struggle is the idea of like choosing our future self, like being intentional about who we want to be versus just like letting it unfold, right? I really struggle with that, that idea, it feels to me the way that like, my soul, my spirit wants to be, is just just move forward slowly and let things unfold, but it feels like the world is telling me you need to be intentional and you need to choose it and you need to create it, and that feels more like pressure and like force, right? How do you find that balance to dream a little but still enjoy the moment and everything. You know when you’re talking about that I reminded of, I’m a planner, I like the checklist all the things, but it’s very uncomfortable when you have a blank piece of paper because then you’ve got to create from the start versus taking someone else’s list and yep, I can meet all these requirements to do them. And so that’s kind of this journey, right? Taking that blank piece of paper and being willing to experience the pain of starting from nothing I wanted to ask you. Well, not one last question but close question that what recommendation or advice would you give to someone who’s struggling with their identity? What would be one of the steps you would recommend that they start thinking about or taking because they strive to move forward? Oh, that’s the fabulous question, I think, and this is going to be hard for a lot of people just because inherently if you struggle with your identity, you probably struggle with fun and joy at least that’s been my experience. I would say start if you can’t embody it, start thinking about what brings me joy. What’s just kind of like fun for me. And for me personally, fun has often been a triggering word. Like fun is frivolous and you know, it’s you know, whatever. And more recently, I’ve I’ve come to embrace that of like, maybe not necessarily what’s fun, but what do I just love? What am I drawn to? What makes me feel peaceful, what makes me feel like, you know, like everything is right in the world content. I love the word content. So if joy or fun are trigger words for you think about those things, the contentment, the peace and like I one time wrote a list of just like things that I just love and like on that list is instrumental piano music. Oh, I could like spend $5 and buy an album, you know on Spotify or I guess Spotify is free. You don’t spend but on Apple, whatever. And then I can play that music and it just calmed me and I just love it so much. It’s very low cost me, probably find tons of free. But that’s an example of I sat down and I thought what do I just love? And like I love, I love reading and learning and that was something that came up like instrumental piano music. And so I bought myself some instrumental piano. I have this album of like 99 classic pieces or something and when I’m really focusing, I play that and I love it. And so I would say start their of first identifying what you love and then bringing little bits of that into your life wherever you feel like you can do that. That’s such a great insight. You know, one of my things I love is just having an audible membership. I love that there’s a book waiting for me that I don’t know yet, but I get to listen to when I walk or drive or whatever. And so it’s simple and it costs a little money but a little compared to most things, you know, so, but be but taking that time to identify it is so important, right? It almost increases the joy just identifying it. Yeah. I mean even people sometimes have a hard time identifying what food do you love? Right? So do you love like ice cream, chocolate? You know, it’s like the typical like chocolate and coffee or whatever it is. Right? Right. It’s like, no, but what do you, when you put it in your mouth, you’re just like, oh, I love this so much, right? There’s probably not many things we can think of, right? Because we don’t think how about, we don’t slow down enough to really say like I love this. We know a lot more of what we really don’t like. Right? That’s yeah. And that’s how our brains are wired. But yeah, just slow down and experience things enough to be like, do I love this? Do I like this? Am I neutral about it? Do I hate it? Right. Yeah. That’s that’s so great. That’s it’s so simple. And yet we don’t do that on a normal basis. Most of us, right? We just go do the things we think we should do or that, you know, we’ve already planned, this has been so great to talk with you. And I love all the insights and little stories and analogies you shared and and I’m hopeful that there are people listening to this that will reach out to you. I know I’m enjoying following you on instagram. Could you tell everyone where to find you if they’d like to call for a session or access your services and products and that kind of thing. Well the most fun place is instagram and I’m at Denita Bremer coaching and you can also go to my website even though the words there might not be totally up to date yet. Hopefully by the time anybody is listening to this that it will be up to date, but the links there for scheduling a free session, they all work. Yeah, but it’s all, it’s also on instagram and yeah, and I just, I just love having conversations with people, so this has been super fun for me to Yeah, this is great. Do you have any last words that you feel like you didn’t get to say that you must share? I will say that I have been a big proponent of mindset work, of the idea that our thoughts create our feelings, drive our actions and hence we get our results. Yes, but I am learning that nervous system work and how our nervous systems are wired is kind of a separate beast from mindset work and because I was the person that was like, here’s the answer to everything is your thoughts, create your feelings and now I’m kind of swallowing those words because I’m like, oh this is why I couldn’t get as much traction with just mindset is because the way my nervous system is wired is like like throws up these barriers for me and so I don’t know, I just, I just felt like maybe there’s somebody out there who had that question and it’s been really hard, very difficult work to kind of rewire my nervous system and I’ve only been doing it for a few months but it’s been so worth it and so just to like you are not your body, you are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings, but you are the person who can kind of see all of those things and how they interact and there are like so many resources out there for, you know, I don’t, I think it’s it’s like a bit of a trauma response if we tell ourselves we don’t know who we are or if you keep asking the question but who am I right when the gurus and the mentors say just go be more of yourself and you’re like, I don’t really know who that is, there’s a reason for that, so yeah, that’s the whole process to teach people in and of itself Yeah and you know, and it’s just something I’ve, I’m newly exploring but I just think it’s important to address that, which is, there’s so many tools and so if you haven’t found the tool that works for you or the combination of tools that works for you, there might be some work in just kind of how you’ve been wired from early childhood or you know, events that have happened in your life, that’s what I notice is when I asked myself, but who am I, who am I really, I’m like, okay, this is my nervous system coming out, like throwing a wall up because we can just decide who we are or we can look at our past and be like, oh that’s who I am and or you know, we can change it at any time, but if it doesn’t feel safe, then that’s going to be a big obstacle for people. I am excited to learn more from you about that. I’m a big fan as I’ve gone through this journey as well as combining other tools, right? Your past experiences, your knowledge and expertise. And I’m involved in learning more about neural plasticity, some work performance training, like increasing your, the way your brain functions in addition to mindset. And then and also I’ll be interviewing someone about hypnosis, their self hypnosis or hypnotherapy and I think it’s so fascinating that all of these tools can help us, it’s it’s just different, we all need different combinations to help us and to hear about the nervous system energy, you know, like meditation, all the things that are now kind of entering our mainstream that will help us as we work on our mindset, you know, that kind of thing. So well, and I think for me mindset was the door I had to enter if we go back to your hallway analogy, right? If five years ago, if somebody had said like, you know, you need to work on your trauma and reprocess some of these emotions or whatever, I would have been like uh no thanks. And so I had, because I was so intellectual and I was such this good student, I had to enter it that way. It’s just been a deepening and deepening and deepening and it’s been a really fascinating, amazing journey. And so I just, I just like to put that out there because I think a lot of people that are probably listening to your podcast and the work you do with mindset and performance and all of that. We tend to sometimes get focused on one tool or one type of tool and I just always think if we don’t, some people inherently know who they are, right, they know that question of who am I and some people don’t and there’s multiple reasons for that and one of them that might be an obstacle could be, you know, some low level trauma or or just always doing what is expected of you and never stopping to ask, well what do I like and what do I want, but but it gets wired in our bodies. Right? And so it’s not just about changing thoughts and processing feelings. It’s so it can be a very body based work for some people and it will help take away some of their actual aches and pains and I just have to share with you whenever I hear nerve stuff for some reason in my head, I go to this pride and prejudice thing where this lady, I’m not someone who knows all the names of people in that movie, but the mother is always saying, oh my poor nerves and she’s always having to sit down and take a break, who is this person? She can’t handle it. But to realize that our nerves, like our nerves play this role and that for some people there, there’s certain things going on with theirs and others of us react in different ways. But whenever I hear about anything with nerves, I don’t know why that comes to my mind, I’m like, oh, that’s the person that has problems with their nerves and are very vocal. Well, that could look like anxiety today, right? Like, right? Yeah, this has been lovely, thank you so much for inviting me. Yes, thank you for coming. And uh the problem with these conversations, it’s not really a problem, but anything that comes out of your mouth becomes a whole, another thing that I think is interesting to talk about. So it could go on all day. So it totally could I get it. You got to, like, end somewhere. Right? So thank you very much for joining us. I will be sharing this episode out in a few days and I’ll share links to your website and all of that and hope to connect you with more people that resonate, and I’m excited to see what you’re doing on your journey. Awesome. Well, you’re doing amazing work. Thank you. You, too. We’ll talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to the show today. If you enjoyed it, I’d love if you’d write a review and share the show with your friends, sign up for a weekly nudge at move your desk dot com. Mhm.

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