Awards not awarded

It’s that time of year. That time of year where awards are provided to the chosen few. That time of year where it is almost embarrassing to hear what the award is for, and yet we all sit there and clap for the amazingly low achievement required to receive such recognition. Here are a few of the basics required in the consideration process, which are of course not written down, but rather demonstrated based upon the outcomes:

• Do something that means a lot to one high level person. Make a cool PowerPoint presentation with lots of sounds and pictures that “fly in.”

• Sign up for a lot of integrated product teams or working groups. Attend at least half the meetings and be the note taker once in a while.

• Make a big fuss about one of your projects and then ensure everyone knows how successful it turned out despite all of the massive challenges you encountered. Never fully explain that the project only required coordinating the efforts of two people pulling down information from Wikipedia.

• Apply to the award yourself and use all kinds of boilerplate verbiage from a popular business book the boss just finished reading.

This does not abode well for me, as I am driven by common sense, purposeful planning and work that leads toward performance outcomes. So, shame on me for expecting different outcomes from a machine that was never intended to award such endeavors.

To cope with this situation, I will create my own awards. I’ve already downloaded some certificate templates from the Internet and fully intend to use them to award people that actually do the job, and do it well. I know, why would anyone want to do that? After all, these won’t be part of the official awards ceremony. But, the realistic part of me has to…..

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